June 13, 2011, Monday-Thinking about money

Do I have to borrow 100,000,000 billion Won when I go back to Korea,
and pay back 35,00 man Won for downpayment for the house.
and pay back 27,00 man Won for Public officer fund
and pay back 15,00 man Won for teacher union fund.

Never do a physical contact first during argument and keep my body in chair.

Today, I had an argument with my roommate today.

During the argument, I stood up and touch her hand or arms.

She immediately yelled at me saying "You touched me, If you touch me one more time, I will call the police."

I should never provide a reason which can be used against me later on.

During the fight, never say things which can be used against me later on.

I talked to her " Are you Christian? Christians act like this?"

And, she talked to her self, I will never deal with Koreans.

I did not take her words seriously, but later on, when I talked with Eunju,

She was really angry and she is a racialist.

So, never say something which insult the whole community.

Do I feel squeamish about my plan to take a action to Wendi

Feeling stupid about being nice.

I should never make promise to people to my belongings.
It is my refrigerator, At first, I told Wendi if she stay until this December I will give it to her,
and i had to buy back from her,
And then, i told Roland that i would give it to Roland, and I ask him to give it to Joni if she staying here at Azusa Garden while she is staying here. and he was kind of littel bit upset.
I felt like I was stupid to make a promise to be nice to them.
Because it is my refrigerator and I feel like I am not doing it as I wish.
Never make a promise anything in advance.

May26,2011. 재극인의 삶에 대한 이해

The posting below seems like representing what I am thinking about my life.
In particular, the part that says that " This is a person who need a self-discipline more than anything else.

출처: from m.boxweb.net, http://gall.dcinside.com/list.php?id=johnnys&no=515085
재극인 사주.
화토용신에 용신인 토가 일지에 있고 년간에 있으니 배우자복은 있는 사람입니다
하지만 시주 갑목과 년간 을목이 용신인 토들을 치고 있으니. 재극인이라고 합니다.
그래서 남들과 어울리지 못하고 성격경적 결함이 강한 것입니다.

재성이 기신으로 떨어지고 인성이 용신으로 떨어질때를 재극인이라고 하는데 이것이 이런 것입니다.
이런 사주가 재극인이 되지 않으려면 일간 경금에 의지하여 스스로 자기 자신을 억제하고
저 갑을목을 쳐서 재성 기신을 쳐내고 충동을 막아내고 인성을 보존해야 된다는 것입니다.

그러므로 무엇보다 자기 절제가 가장 중요한 사람이 되겠습니다.


이런 자기절제가 중요한 사람들은 일단, 자기 수련을 해야 하고 자기를 다스리는 방법을 배워야 합니다.
그러므로 스스로를 다스리는 그 무언가를 찾아 몰두하여 감정에 얽매여 인성을 파극시키는 일이 없어야 하겠습니다.
오직 본인의 의지만이 자기 자신을 만드는 사람이니.. 절제와 충동자제 이것이 이 사람 인생의 관건이 아닐까 싶습니다


하지만 기신들이 년간 시간에 있는지라 그것을 감당하기가 보통 쉽지는 않을 것입니다.
그러므로 이런 사람들은 혼자의 힘으로 안된다면 사주에 경신금이 많은 사람들을 가까이 하고
절제가 되는 계통의 직업 군경계통에 들어가서 사는 것도 좋습니다.

또한 일지 괴강이 있으니 능히 군경계통으로 가면 아주 뛰어난 면을 발휘 할 것으로 보입니다.
여자라고 하나 여성 경찰, 여성군인도 많아지는 추세에 이런 직업을 가지는 것이 현명한 방법으로 아뢰옵니다.


직업은 木에 해당하는 예술계통은 좀 아니라고 보고 金에 해당하는 군,경,검 계통에서 일하시면 큰 인물이되지 않을까 합니다.

또한 지리로 본다면 군대내에선 보통 산쪽에서 근무하기 때문에 지리적으로도 산에서 군인을 한다는 것은 이상적인 지리와 직업이 아닐까 합니다.
土生金 하여 반드시 크게 되셔야 합니다.

또한 무인 대운이 온다 하더라도 천간 무토가 용신이지만 지지 인목이 인묘진 방합 목 (기신), 인신사해를 형성하고
인사신 상형살에 인해합목국으로 기신이 되니 그야 말로 구제하지 못할 정도로 미쳐버릴 지도 모를 일입니다.

천간 무토가 온다한들 목국이 강해지고 갑을목이 무토를 쳐내는데 무토운이 온다한들 무슨소용이 있겠습니까.
정말로 돌아버릴지도 모르는 일이죠. 그러므로 빨리 이 사주는 무인대운이 오기전에 구제되어야 하며.
빨리 갑을목을 쳐내고 무인대운이 오기전 부사관이라도 하여
그 군인정신과 버릇을 하나하나 옮겨 자기생활에 적응시켜야만 정신이 유지되지 않을까 합니다.


만약 그렇지 않으면 저 사주는 무인대운에서 정신질환, 범죄, 사고수 등으로부터 벗어 날 수가 없습니다.
또한 이 사주의 핵심은 탐탁지 않고 자기 마음에 들지 않더라도 복종하는 방법을 자신이 손해를 보더라도 복종하는 것에 익숙해야 하고
절대복종이 허용될만한 정신과 수양이 있어야 겠습니다.
그것을 익히지 못하면 한순간에 인생 자체가 바닥이 되어 철퇴를 차고 수십년간을 지하바닥에서 지내야 되는 것이 아닌가 하는 생각을 하게 됩니다.
이 사주의 핵심은 복종정신을 어느정도 가지고 그것을 참고 해야만 인생이 보전된다는 사실을 가지고 있어야 하며
그렇지 못하면 한순간에 나락으로 떨어지는 수가 있겠습니다.

May 17, 2011. I feel like I owed a deb to pay back in the previous life

I am not sure, but I feel like I owe a debt in the previous life.
I seems like that is the reason I came into the life even though I am not sure about this.

If not, I really cannot understand my life.
Why do i have to voluntarily feel obliged to a real teacher like Professor Chamberlain, which conflicts my individualism, also require me to be more patient, do more work, continuously upgrade myself?
I do not know my effort will be meaningful, may be meaningful after getting a call from Denis right now.
Why do I have to recognize that I have to excel present me when I want to satisfy with my individualism?
The conflict between my individualism and thinking about others confuses me and make me anxious and frustrated.

May 17, 2011. why I try to be honest in life?

Today, I talked with professor Chamberlain about honesty.
Why did I talk to him about my past story about the New York event, in which I had to make a story to hide the truth to avoid a trouble in my career?
why did I discuss that with Chamberlain?

Deep inside, I recognize that I want to be a person who has a character. Then, why do I want to be a person who have a character and integrity?
Maybe, I am sick and tired of my life where I have to deal with the reality in front of me without any deep thinking, principle or philosophy in life or, maybe, I now have a strength to deeply think about principle or philosophy in life instead of living day by day.

Also I am sick and tired of my behavior which ask for a trouble because of the lack of deep and through thinking.

Also, the reason I have such a impression in Chamberlain's class is that I can feel that his words are consistent with his action and thinking.

I recognize that I should not say one thing act the other if I am supposed to be a good teacher.
I admit it, even though I try not to do harm others, I was able to say one thing and act the other.
But now, I realize that It is impossible for me to be a man of character if I continue doing this.

I recognize that I need principle and philosophy in life and in educational career.
I really do not understand why God is leading me toward education.
Here, God means general god which does not have anything to do with religion.

Do I really have something which can help or positively influence my future students?
I recognize that education is my destined career whether I like it or not.
At least, I started to have a mindset that I will not work for just money. Then what should I work for?

What does it mean by influencing students? What does it mean by helping students?
How do I know I am helping students or influencing students?

May 15, 2011. a defense for my future action to Wendi

A girl wants to move in to my house.

I cut the room fee down to avoid accusing Wendi of breaking the oral agreement we made for her room.

I believe getting a new comer is the best solution right now and am willing to lose a little money.

Wendi did not given me many tutoring hours for the period of August 21, 2011- September 20, 2011.

Also, We agreed that I bought my refrigerator back as the price of $ 200, and

she does not have to tutor me for 25 hour ($8 * 25=200 hours).

Bu she was supposed to have my refrigerator under the condition that she stay with me until December 20, 2011.

Now that she is breaking her agreement, she has to pay me for the missing tutoring hours for the reason of refrigerator.

If she does not agree with this matter and talk a load of garbage this time again like she broke a oral agreement was not willing

to pay her room fee for a possible room vacancy, I will no longer put up with this and make a petition to Sue Clark and APU.