May 17, 2011. why I try to be honest in life?

Today, I talked with professor Chamberlain about honesty.
Why did I talk to him about my past story about the New York event, in which I had to make a story to hide the truth to avoid a trouble in my career?
why did I discuss that with Chamberlain?

Deep inside, I recognize that I want to be a person who has a character. Then, why do I want to be a person who have a character and integrity?
Maybe, I am sick and tired of my life where I have to deal with the reality in front of me without any deep thinking, principle or philosophy in life or, maybe, I now have a strength to deeply think about principle or philosophy in life instead of living day by day.

Also I am sick and tired of my behavior which ask for a trouble because of the lack of deep and through thinking.

Also, the reason I have such a impression in Chamberlain's class is that I can feel that his words are consistent with his action and thinking.

I recognize that I should not say one thing act the other if I am supposed to be a good teacher.
I admit it, even though I try not to do harm others, I was able to say one thing and act the other.
But now, I realize that It is impossible for me to be a man of character if I continue doing this.

I recognize that I need principle and philosophy in life and in educational career.
I really do not understand why God is leading me toward education.
Here, God means general god which does not have anything to do with religion.

Do I really have something which can help or positively influence my future students?
I recognize that education is my destined career whether I like it or not.
At least, I started to have a mindset that I will not work for just money. Then what should I work for?

What does it mean by influencing students? What does it mean by helping students?
How do I know I am helping students or influencing students?